I don't know if it's just me, but I'm not feeling like my usual chipper self. In fact, some days this past week, I've felt downright rotten! My husband seems to think we need a vacation, but I don't think that's it at all. What I need is a confidence boost.

When things don't seem to come together for me, I stress out. Then I feel like I'm worthless. Then I dig myself a hole. I know I have 2 choices: dig deeper or get out. Of course, getting out is advisable, but it's not always easy.

For example, I've been reading a book to help me revise the rough draft of my novel. I keep wondering how people have published 48 books, or even 4 books for that matter. I'm not a slug, but I wonder if I'm missing something here. I can't even seem to get one book out the door to agents, let alone think about writing any more. So it depresses me.

I keep telling myself that I need to revise one word at a time, one sentence at a time. And I need to keep writing. It will all come together eventually!

I went on an 8 mile run on Wednesday. It's amazing what the body can do! My route takes me out the door and down to the reservoir and back home. Of course, going down is the easy part. All along the first 4 miles, I remind myself that what goes down must go back up.

I thought about how it relates to life. When things seem so right and perfect, I know that something is going to come along to challenge me. Right now I'm in an uphill battle, trying to find clients. I know that one day in the near future, I'll look back and laugh at my current situation, as I have done so many times before.

Stay the course, be strong, be persistent, be patient. I'm looking forward to the downhill when I crest this one!

The rain and hail has been crazy this past week! I'm kind of a fair weather runner, so I've not been faithful to my running shoes lately. It's not that I don't like running in the rain, but I worry more about cars coming down the road and slipping and sliding in the mud.

I was sure our garden drowned. Today we had a little break in the weather, so we went to investigate. Unbelievably there are signs of growth from most of the seeds we planted.

I thought long and hard about perseverance and the staying power necessary to succeed. Some days I feel defeated and want to give up. But I always go back to my personal motto. You see, I have this picture of a hurdle hanging on my wall with two words above and below it: Obstacles? Opportunities.

I try to remind myself that no matter how bad I think things are, there's always someone else out there who is in a worse situation. I have my health. I have my family. I have my faith. I have a house. I have food. I have clothes.

It's the difference between needs and wants.

Like those little sprouts that are hanging in there without drowning, I can turn every obstacle into a growth opportunity.

We had a family reunion at our house last Sunday, my mom's side of the family. People came from California and Utah, and we had a fully house!

The great thing about having people over is that I clean my house really well. Because I'm not a fan of cleaning, I've devised a new plan--clean a little each day. So I'll clean all the bedrooms one day, the bathrooms the second day, the kitchen the third day, the living room the fourth day, my office the fifth day, the weight room the sixth day, rest the seventh day, then start over again. My husband can clean his own office. If I do it, he'll never find anything!

Family reunions are great for other reasons, and probably more important reasons as well. We re-connect, eat great food, laugh, and have a picture-fest. Our once-a-year gathering reminds us that no matter where we are, family matters.

I'm very blessed to be surrounded by wonderful, supportive people. And as we all get older, I think we realize that coming together once a year is good for our souls. At least I know it's good for mine.

Procrastination

I am the queen of procrastination! I know I have a deadline. I know I have a zilliion things to do. But I always wait until the last minute.

Here's a great example: I enter a quilt contest every year. I get the fabric in June or July and it doesn't have to be turned in until the following May. I started my quilt in April this year. I thought I was doing good! But starting didn't mean finishing--until the last minute. I stayed up until after midnight last night, sewing like a crazy woman, then got up at 5 this morning to finish it up.

Yes, I could have done it over the weekend, but I didn't. And now I feel kind of bad because my sewing isn't very good and I keep thinking I shouldn't have turned it in because it was a little crooked.

I thrive on stress and work harder if I'm pushed up against a deadline. I know I could have a much calmer life if I wouldn't do that.

I am promising myself, right here, right now, that I will get my quilt for next year's contest done by Christmas.

Don't worry, my fingers and toes are crossed . . .

What a beautiful day to start the long Memorial Day weekend!

I took my parents to the cemetery yesterday to leave flowers on 4 graves. My paternal grandparents are buried in an old cemetery, and every year I look at the headstones of two nuns who are buried just above them. No one ever leaves flowers on their graves, and my grandparents' grave gets inundated with them.

I often wonder about the dead who never have anyone visit them. Maybe they have no family. Maybe their family is out-of-state and can't travel to visit. Maybe their family doesn't care. Does anyone even remember they were once alive? Did they not leave a footprint behind?

It gave me a chance to remind myself that what I do in my time here on earth matters. It doesn't mean I have to be famous, but just that I should do good things to touch the lives of others.

Yesterday my little pit bull got stung by something or another. He ran into the house, straight for my husband, and my husband freaked out. Poor Zeb was swelling up and had hives all over his body.

I called the vet and we got out the Benadryl. Within 20 minutes, Zeb was resting and the swelling started going down.

I started thinking about adverse reactions. I've had a few over the past few weeks, and it created some self-doubt about my ability to write. I really stressed out when I sent some articles to my newest client, convinced he was going to hate them and tell me I was no good. To my surprise, he liked them and offered me more work.

Don't get me wrong--I can take criticism. And I understand that not everyone will like my style of writing. But I can also adapt, given the chance. It's when I don't get the chance that my mind starts to work overtime, wondering what I did wrong. When someone just tells me "I don't like it" without more explanation or any further communication, I criticize myself. And we all know we're are own worst critics!

I try to learn and grow from every experience I have. But it's hard to do when I have nothing to base the adverse reaction on. What I am taking away from all this is that I need to do a better job of communicating with others when I don't like something.

I don't like to feel like a failure, and I don't want to make anyone else feel that way either.