It's Father's Day today.

My dad broke my heart last month by passing away unexpectedly.

I'm still trying to process what happened and why. I'm still trying to figure out a new routine, going from a family of four to a family of three. I'm still trying to deal with notifying banks, closing credit cards, life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, homeowners insurance, etc.

It has often been said that death is harder on the living, and it is so true. There are so many things to do after the death of a loved one, and it takes time and energy. But more on that next week...

Today, I want to remember my dad.

He was a happy man, and I have proof--every person I have talked to says the same thing. He was always laughing and smiling and he enjoyed life. If he was troubled, you didn't know about it. If he was sad or angry, you didn't know about it. All you knew was the pleasure he had in living, and the joy he took in the things he did.

It's an outlook most of us don't have. We worry about paying the bills. We worry about what to cook for dinner. We worry about things we don't have control over. And that worry is verbalized and projected into the world.

In retrospect, my dad taught me that life is about living fully and being present and we should enjoy the people and things we have.

The words to a song keep playing over and over in my head, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone, and I found out a little too late."

These words are so true, and I have a lot of regrets about things on my part--unkept promises, short tempers and impatience, selfishness and disrespect--all toward a man who gave me life and love and everything I ever wanted.

Today I wish I could hug him and tell him I love him. I wish we could go for a drive and to the reservoir to fish. I wish we could work in the garden together. I wish we could just sit down and talk because there is so much I don't know about him.

But the time is gone and he has left me.

So I'm sorry dad, that we don't get to be together in this life any longer. But if I know you, you're having a great time with your brother, your mom and dad, and other relatives and friends you've grieved over.

Thank you for being my hero ... I love you!