Procrastination

I am the queen of procrastination! I know I have a deadline. I know I have a zilliion things to do. But I always wait until the last minute.

Here's a great example: I enter a quilt contest every year. I get the fabric in June or July and it doesn't have to be turned in until the following May. I started my quilt in April this year. I thought I was doing good! But starting didn't mean finishing--until the last minute. I stayed up until after midnight last night, sewing like a crazy woman, then got up at 5 this morning to finish it up.

Yes, I could have done it over the weekend, but I didn't. And now I feel kind of bad because my sewing isn't very good and I keep thinking I shouldn't have turned it in because it was a little crooked.

I thrive on stress and work harder if I'm pushed up against a deadline. I know I could have a much calmer life if I wouldn't do that.

I am promising myself, right here, right now, that I will get my quilt for next year's contest done by Christmas.

Don't worry, my fingers and toes are crossed . . .

What a beautiful day to start the long Memorial Day weekend!

I took my parents to the cemetery yesterday to leave flowers on 4 graves. My paternal grandparents are buried in an old cemetery, and every year I look at the headstones of two nuns who are buried just above them. No one ever leaves flowers on their graves, and my grandparents' grave gets inundated with them.

I often wonder about the dead who never have anyone visit them. Maybe they have no family. Maybe their family is out-of-state and can't travel to visit. Maybe their family doesn't care. Does anyone even remember they were once alive? Did they not leave a footprint behind?

It gave me a chance to remind myself that what I do in my time here on earth matters. It doesn't mean I have to be famous, but just that I should do good things to touch the lives of others.

Yesterday my little pit bull got stung by something or another. He ran into the house, straight for my husband, and my husband freaked out. Poor Zeb was swelling up and had hives all over his body.

I called the vet and we got out the Benadryl. Within 20 minutes, Zeb was resting and the swelling started going down.

I started thinking about adverse reactions. I've had a few over the past few weeks, and it created some self-doubt about my ability to write. I really stressed out when I sent some articles to my newest client, convinced he was going to hate them and tell me I was no good. To my surprise, he liked them and offered me more work.

Don't get me wrong--I can take criticism. And I understand that not everyone will like my style of writing. But I can also adapt, given the chance. It's when I don't get the chance that my mind starts to work overtime, wondering what I did wrong. When someone just tells me "I don't like it" without more explanation or any further communication, I criticize myself. And we all know we're are own worst critics!

I try to learn and grow from every experience I have. But it's hard to do when I have nothing to base the adverse reaction on. What I am taking away from all this is that I need to do a better job of communicating with others when I don't like something.

I don't like to feel like a failure, and I don't want to make anyone else feel that way either.

I taught at the local high school this past week. The kids are so funny and engaging to talk to.

I participate in a program through the state bar association called Lawyers in the Classroom. Four times a year, I teach the government class, all 60 or so high school seniors. It's interesting to hear their perspective about the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, Human Rights and responsibilities when they turn 18. Their world is so small, especially since they've been raised in a rural community.

My hope is that I've enlarged their world a little bit, and taught them something valuable they didn't know before. They have so much living ahead of them, and so many new experiences and challenges to face.

I remember being as eager, confident and protected as they are. The world is a big place, and it's easy to get lost. I still get lost, but am appreciative of the guidance I receive along the way.

I met an incredible group of women last night. They have enthusiasm. They have vision. They have synergy.

They gave me a lot to think about in terms of my own business and life. They are all so positive and empowered and happy. I said I didn't have time for Facebook or Twitter. I've told many people that, and many people agree with me. But after last night, they've got me excited about having a community of support and friendship. I'm rethinking my whole attitude about social networking.

What I noticed most about these wonderful women, is that they truly seem to want success for everyone. As humans, we tend to be selfish and what we say isn't always what we really think. But I believe I met the most generous and genuine people who want to expand their community and bring everyone into their circle of goodness and joy and success.

They want to manifest dreams.

And I have no doubt they will.